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How to Explore Your Desire to Have Rough Sex

How to Explore Your Desire to Have Rough Sex

Whether your main experience with aggressive sex thus far includes bingeing the Fifty Shades series or you’re a seasoned pro at incorporating hair pulling, lip biting, and spanking into your bedroom repertoire, it can feel like there’s always more to learn about having rough sex – especially because the definition is a fluid one.

Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., sex and intimacy therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy, explains, “The definition of rough sex is very subjective and varies on every person’s threshold of pain and discomfort.” But no matter what it looks like to you, “consent is imperative,” she adds.

Here, how to figure out if rough sex is for you – and the best practices for having the most pleasurable experience, according to experts.

You might find yourself feeling inspired to try more aggressive sexual acts after seeing it in a movie, porn, or talking about it with a partner who has experienced it, explains Balestrieri.

Or it’s possible that you’ll find yourself yearning for more during what would be considered non-rough, or vanilla, sex. And while you might not know what that means at first, you could start to learn more about what you like by engaging in a rough act with a partner and finding it opens up a whole new portal of excitement and curiosity for you, says Balestrieri.

Interest in rougher play might also stem from wanting to address a feeling of stagnance or lack of electricity with a partner, says Molly Godfrey, a trained dating and intimacy coach in New York City. “Is there a desire to experience different forms of pleasure together? Is there a desire to explore more submissive/dominant roles in your relationship?